Hi everyone, how are you? Today I came here to talk a little about the role of being a mother, a role that is long-term in our lives, but it needs to be a conscious one. I am aware of everything I’ve done for Ben, and I would do it all again. However, mentally, this intensity that we live… I will keep doing it for another 10 years. Ten years of doing all this, and after that, I need to pursue my dreams.
While I’m doing this during these 10 years, I can’t stop, because I need to develop myself so that when these 10 years are over, I have somewhere to go and something to do. So, during these intense 10 years, I will focus on my personal growth. That’s my tool to avoid going crazy. Everything I want to do, I’ll do whenever I can, but I will do it, because otherwise, my mind will end up blaming Ben for something that isn’t his fault.
It will be 10 intense years focused on his development, and after those 10 years, I believe I’ll be able to relax a bit more. I believe that by then, he will have developed the basics. While this is happening, I will, yes, do the things I’ve always wanted to do: learn new languages, take care of my body, and fix the things that motherhood changes in our bodies. I will do all of this so that I can continue taking care of Ben as I always have. It’s a survival strategy. After all, we know that adolescence is just around the corner, right? Soon, it will be youth. Many of our children will make their own choices, some, unfortunately, won’t, but I’m counting on Ben making his own decisions.
So, if I don’t do something for myself today, in 10 years, I won’t be anything to anyone, not even to myself, because Ben will simply live his own life, and so will Bernardo. Marriage, friendships… We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, so our trust needs to be in ourselves, and, above all, in God. But in our raw strength, we cannot rely on someone else, not even our own children, to be there for us all the time, even though we are there for them during the best years of our lives.
Autism takes up a large part of our lives, if not all of it, but in some moments, it is possible to be someone for yourself. When he sleeps at 8, you can use that time, when he’s sleeping, for yourself. It is possible to do that. Autism has taken up a large part of your life, but not all of it. You give your time to many people who don’t deserve it, to situations, to your friends, to the internet, to social media. The time we give can sometimes help our mental health, but it can also destroy it. So, we need to know what is productive for us.
Pay close attention to how you use the little time that life with autism gives you. What are your biggest challenges? What are you dedicating your time to, and to whom are you giving it? Pay attention, because life with autism is already hard enough, but it can get worse if you don’t manage the little time that is given and taken by all the important things autism brings. I mean it brings the most basic things that need to be developed in our lives.
It’s very important to always prioritize the basics, like therapy, medication, doctors, sleep schedules, and screen time control. Pay attention to who or what you are giving your time to, because some things are worth it, but the rest, if not well managed and filtered, are not. So, mentally, create a strategy that will take you from where you are today and lead you to somewhere, wherever that may be. But it should be a place of dreams, a place of comfort, a place of hope. You know why? Because if you don’t go to that place, your mind won’t be able to stay in this reality for long, and then things will happen that you can’t control, like disorders, depression, and anxiety. Yes, these are very common in our lives. The suicide rate among mothers is very high. This is not because they are weak, but because they tried to be strong for too long, and no one noticed.
